i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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