In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
