Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
