she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
