would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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