i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
