There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
