I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
