she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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