Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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