the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm really busy with my period
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