don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
