I want to stick my p in your. b.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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