Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
