there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
