apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
