Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
