I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
