but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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