So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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