Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
