U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
