Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize