The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
