would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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