I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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