How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
