I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I need moral support for this bender
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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