evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
