I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
