If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
