Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
