i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
