wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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