i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
