i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
