i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
