I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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