So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize