ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
