you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
