Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
