Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
