Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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