walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
