Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
