I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
