We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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