I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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