I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
