i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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