3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
