His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
