The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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