You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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