So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
