Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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