of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
