If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
