Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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