I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
