I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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