Are we in a gay sports bar?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
