So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
