I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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