we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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