farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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